Joke #1
Lolo: Apo, magtago ka na, anjan na titser mo, alam niyang umabsent ka ngayon di ba?
Apo: Lo, magtago ka na rin kasi dinahilan kong patay ka na kaya ako umabsent
Joke #2
GRADUATION SPEECH NI INDAY:
A fleasance afternoon to all, to me, to you, we, they and everyone.
Tonight, I am graduation, and i am froud of me.
I invitation you all to eat our house because i know someday that I will eat your house too.
I will die 10 chickens, 7 girls and 3 boys t eat you all and I will ask my father to cook my mother.
I'm suring you will come because i'm graduation. thank you
Joke #3
Kung ang mga COUPLES
ay magcecelebrate ng VALENTINES this month,
and mga SINGLES
ay iaadvance ang INDEPENDENCE DAY,
Kalayaan!
Kalayaan!
Kalayaan!
Kalayaan!...
Joke # 4
MAGHIHIGANTI
Anak: tay, andamot ng classmate ko
Tatay: bakit naman anak??
Anak: di kasi niya ako ininvite sa burol ng tatay niya eh. di ako nakakain ng tinapay.
Di ko din siya iiinvite sa burol mo tay ha? sana malapit na para makaganti ako!
Lolo: Apo, magtago ka na, anjan na titser mo, alam niyang umabsent ka ngayon di ba?
Apo: Lo, magtago ka na rin kasi dinahilan kong patay ka na kaya ako umabsent
Joke #2
GRADUATION SPEECH NI INDAY:
A fleasance afternoon to all, to me, to you, we, they and everyone.
Tonight, I am graduation, and i am froud of me.
I invitation you all to eat our house because i know someday that I will eat your house too.
I will die 10 chickens, 7 girls and 3 boys t eat you all and I will ask my father to cook my mother.
I'm suring you will come because i'm graduation. thank you
Joke #3
Kung ang mga COUPLES
ay magcecelebrate ng VALENTINES this month,
and mga SINGLES
ay iaadvance ang INDEPENDENCE DAY,
Kalayaan!
Kalayaan!
Kalayaan!
Kalayaan!...
Joke # 4
MAGHIHIGANTI
Anak: tay, andamot ng classmate ko
Tatay: bakit naman anak??
Anak: di kasi niya ako ininvite sa burol ng tatay niya eh. di ako nakakain ng tinapay.
Di ko din siya iiinvite sa burol mo tay ha? sana malapit na para makaganti ako!
Joke # 5
Tatay: Anak, pag namatay ako, wag mong ibenta yung isang daang ektarya sa likod natin ha..
Anak: Eh tay, hindi naman satin yung lupa dun sa likod ha??
Tatay: Kaya nga sabi kong huwag mong ibenta eh!!.,tsk.,tsk,.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 6
(Pakisagot naman please)
Sa isang kahon
may 10 baka
Sa ilalim ng baka,
may 5 manok.
Ang 5 manok
kumain ng 10 bigas
na may 214 na langgam
pero naapakan ng baka ang
ang 3 sa 5 manok
at lumabas ang 4512 na bulate.
Now, eto ang tanong,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Gawa mo?.,hehe,.,.,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 7
Question: What is similar to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Rapunzel ?
Answer: They have only one man, it is Prince Charming
-kita mo kahit sa fairy tale, may babaero..haha
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 8
i know ol kinds of chocolates are sweet..
but nothing can compare 2 d sweetness of my..
L I P S
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 9
GOODBYE is the most painful
word to hear
but for me....
it's the best word ever
LIKE THIS:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"GOODBYE class! you're dismissed"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 10
TEACHER: imagine u r a millionaire
write your life history
(1 boy didn't write)
TEACHER: why r u not writing?
BOY: i'm waiting for my secretary!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 11
Girl is the SubjEct,
Boy is the PredicatE,
When the Predicate
t0uches the SubjEct...
Baby is the Direct Object!
hahahaha
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 12
WEDDING STATUS: A newly married man saved his wife's # on his cellphone as 'MY LIFE.'
after 1yr of marriage he changed d name in the cellphone as to MY WIFE
after 2yrs, he changed d name in the cellphone as to HOME
after 5yrs of marriage, he changed d name in the cellphone as to HITLER
after 10yrs of marriage,he changed d name in the cellphone as to "WRONG NUMBER!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 13
two students wer caught naked having sex in a classrum
JANITOR: aha! violating school rules!
BOY: wat rule??
JANITOR: (thinking) NOT WEARING UNFORM!!! HAHAHA
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 14
THEY SAY:
not all single
are available
HOW ABOUT:
not all taken
are inlove...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 15
a very touching story
the boy touches d girl's
hand,
and the girl touches
the boy's hand....
what a
touching story - bwahahaha!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 16
A fat lady asked her bf what she looked like..
d boy replied:
"you look like a GOD."
d fat lady smiled..
Giggled and blushed then asked"
sinung GOD? Aphrodite? Venus? who?
d boy looked deeply in her eyes..
touched her belly and said..
"buddah"..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke #17
The best quote for students out there:
"I'd rather open my Facebook. Than to FACE my BOOK>"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 18
If climbing the highest mountain on
earth is the only way for him to be mine..
then....
...i'd rather go shopping!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 19
"If you don't want to see me smoking..
Then you should better find a ways to make my lips busy!"
hehe..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 20
I was planning to kill the most
byutiful, & charming girl on earth
Den i realized shud i kill myslf?
Wat a big sin to do ds thing!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 21
wat s similarity between panty & sky?
sky covers d whole population..
& Panty Covers d source of population!
haha..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 22
a lady n a bar walks 2 d barman * puts her
finger in2 barman's mouth.
Barman: lustly kises & lick each finger.
Lady says: Tel ur manager der's no toilet paper!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 23
wat is "shock?"
shock is wen a guy is having sex 2 his
pregnant wife wen suddenly, little hands grab
his penis and said.."daddy! huyi ka!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 24
love can remove fears
love can remove doubts
love can remove worries
and love can remove underwears too.
so be careful..=)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 25
DIFFICULT REALITY:
"Waiting 4 d right 1 is never that EASY...
specially when d wrong 1 is so..
YUMMY!.."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 26
Kung dating nakilala si
President Arroyo ng GMA
that stands for:
G-Gloria
M-Macapagal
A-Arroyo
Ngayon, makikilala
si President Aquino
ng ABS-CBN
that stands for:
A-Aquino
B-Benigno
S-Simeon
C-Cojuanco
B-Better known as
N-Noynoy
-wow.,tumpak.,hehe,.destiny talaga,.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 27
Sa Isang pagkakataon, nasiyahan ang Warden dahil sa mgandang ipinakita ng mga Preso sa kulungan.
Sabi ng Warden: Dahil walang gulo sa araw na ito dito sa loob ng pihitan, lahat kayo magkakaroon ng “BAGONG BRIEF”.
Reaksyon ng mga Preso: Yeeehay!! ang bait ninyo naman Warden. Salamat.
Wika ni Warden: Okay! kayong nasa Selda Uno at Selda Dos, EXCHANGE BRIEFS.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 28
Isang araw, naglalakad ang dalawang mag Bestfriend sa isang masukal na gubat na biglang tumambad sa kanilang harapan ang isang mabangis na Oso. Napatakbo ang isa at dali-daling umakyat sa Puno upang hindi siya masakmal ng Oso, pero ang isa namay nagpaiwan at dahan-dahang dumapa at nagpanggap na patay. Lumapit ang Oso at inamoy nia ang Ulo ng nakadapa at unti-unti ring umalis. Nang nakalayo na ang Oso, bumaba mula sa Puno ang isa at tinanong niya ang kanyang Best friend. Ano ang sinabi sayo ng Oso?, sumagot ang kanyang best friend na nagpaiwan, ang sabi ng Oso sa akin “wag daw ako magtiwala sa kaibigang nang iiwan”.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 29
Mahirap lunukin
ang Pride
Lalo na pag ito'y...
...BARETA.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 30
Mr. and Misis
Misis: Hoy, Tumigil ka na sa pag inom ng Beer, masyado kang magastos.
Mister: Ikaw, make-up mo ang magastos!
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para sa iyo.
Mister: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!
Joke # 31
GURO: jUaN, kUnG aKo’Y mAy 5 aNaK sA uNaNg aSaWa aT 7 nAmAn sA pAnGaLaWa aT 3 sA pAnGaTLo, mEr0n ac0hNg ? . . .
JUAN: KALANDIAN p0h . . .iSa kAnG kErEnGkEnG mA’aM, mALaNdi kA, hALiPaRoT, kALaDkAriN, mAkAti, mAhiLiG, pAriWaRa, p0kPoK, iMoRaL . . .
GURO: uMuPo kA, tAnG iNa mOh, di kA mAkAkApAsA gAg0!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 32
LUCKY ME
Pamilya sa harap ng hapag kainan
kumakain ng LUCKY ME
Berto: Ma, Pa, buntis…
(nanay at tatay napahinto)
buntis po ako…di po ako
makakagraduate…
Ma, mahirap po bang mgbuntis?
Mama: oo anak, pro mas mahirap
maging isang ina sa isang
ambisyosang bakla!!!
imumo taka anang yahong
Bayota ka! kaon diha!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 33
Rabbit or Snail
If you are an animal, what would u be? a Rabbit or a Snail???
Rabbit’s are d most sexually active animals & can have sex as many as 40 - 50 x in a day…!!!
Snail’s live 80 yrs & will have a sex only once in their lyftym but it’s orgasm lasts for 18 years…!!!
wud u go 4 quantity or quality?
Tatay: Anak, pag namatay ako, wag mong ibenta yung isang daang ektarya sa likod natin ha..
Anak: Eh tay, hindi naman satin yung lupa dun sa likod ha??
Tatay: Kaya nga sabi kong huwag mong ibenta eh!!.,tsk.,tsk,.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 6
(Pakisagot naman please)
Sa isang kahon
may 10 baka
Sa ilalim ng baka,
may 5 manok.
Ang 5 manok
kumain ng 10 bigas
na may 214 na langgam
pero naapakan ng baka ang
ang 3 sa 5 manok
at lumabas ang 4512 na bulate.
Now, eto ang tanong,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Gawa mo?.,hehe,.,.,
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 7
Question: What is similar to Cinderella, Sleeping Beauty, Snow White and Rapunzel ?
Answer: They have only one man, it is Prince Charming
-kita mo kahit sa fairy tale, may babaero..haha
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 8
i know ol kinds of chocolates are sweet..
but nothing can compare 2 d sweetness of my..
L I P S
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 9
GOODBYE is the most painful
word to hear
but for me....
it's the best word ever
LIKE THIS:
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"GOODBYE class! you're dismissed"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 10
TEACHER: imagine u r a millionaire
write your life history
(1 boy didn't write)
TEACHER: why r u not writing?
BOY: i'm waiting for my secretary!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 11
Girl is the SubjEct,
Boy is the PredicatE,
When the Predicate
t0uches the SubjEct...
Baby is the Direct Object!
hahahaha
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 12
WEDDING STATUS: A newly married man saved his wife's # on his cellphone as 'MY LIFE.'
after 1yr of marriage he changed d name in the cellphone as to MY WIFE
after 2yrs, he changed d name in the cellphone as to HOME
after 5yrs of marriage, he changed d name in the cellphone as to HITLER
after 10yrs of marriage,he changed d name in the cellphone as to "WRONG NUMBER!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 13
two students wer caught naked having sex in a classrum
JANITOR: aha! violating school rules!
BOY: wat rule??
JANITOR: (thinking) NOT WEARING UNFORM!!! HAHAHA
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 14
THEY SAY:
not all single
are available
HOW ABOUT:
not all taken
are inlove...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 15
a very touching story
the boy touches d girl's
hand,
and the girl touches
the boy's hand....
what a
touching story - bwahahaha!!!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 16
A fat lady asked her bf what she looked like..
d boy replied:
"you look like a GOD."
d fat lady smiled..
Giggled and blushed then asked"
sinung GOD? Aphrodite? Venus? who?
d boy looked deeply in her eyes..
touched her belly and said..
"buddah"..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke #17
The best quote for students out there:
"I'd rather open my Facebook. Than to FACE my BOOK>"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 18
If climbing the highest mountain on
earth is the only way for him to be mine..
then....
...i'd rather go shopping!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 19
"If you don't want to see me smoking..
Then you should better find a ways to make my lips busy!"
hehe..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 20
I was planning to kill the most
byutiful, & charming girl on earth
Den i realized shud i kill myslf?
Wat a big sin to do ds thing!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 21
wat s similarity between panty & sky?
sky covers d whole population..
& Panty Covers d source of population!
haha..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 22
a lady n a bar walks 2 d barman * puts her
finger in2 barman's mouth.
Barman: lustly kises & lick each finger.
Lady says: Tel ur manager der's no toilet paper!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 23
wat is "shock?"
shock is wen a guy is having sex 2 his
pregnant wife wen suddenly, little hands grab
his penis and said.."daddy! huyi ka!"
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 24
love can remove fears
love can remove doubts
love can remove worries
and love can remove underwears too.
so be careful..=)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 25
DIFFICULT REALITY:
"Waiting 4 d right 1 is never that EASY...
specially when d wrong 1 is so..
YUMMY!.."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 26
Kung dating nakilala si
President Arroyo ng GMA
that stands for:
G-Gloria
M-Macapagal
A-Arroyo
Ngayon, makikilala
si President Aquino
ng ABS-CBN
that stands for:
A-Aquino
B-Benigno
S-Simeon
C-Cojuanco
B-Better known as
N-Noynoy
-wow.,tumpak.,hehe,.destiny talaga,.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 27
Sa Isang pagkakataon, nasiyahan ang Warden dahil sa mgandang ipinakita ng mga Preso sa kulungan.
Sabi ng Warden: Dahil walang gulo sa araw na ito dito sa loob ng pihitan, lahat kayo magkakaroon ng “BAGONG BRIEF”.
Reaksyon ng mga Preso: Yeeehay!! ang bait ninyo naman Warden. Salamat.
Wika ni Warden: Okay! kayong nasa Selda Uno at Selda Dos, EXCHANGE BRIEFS.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 28
Isang araw, naglalakad ang dalawang mag Bestfriend sa isang masukal na gubat na biglang tumambad sa kanilang harapan ang isang mabangis na Oso. Napatakbo ang isa at dali-daling umakyat sa Puno upang hindi siya masakmal ng Oso, pero ang isa namay nagpaiwan at dahan-dahang dumapa at nagpanggap na patay. Lumapit ang Oso at inamoy nia ang Ulo ng nakadapa at unti-unti ring umalis. Nang nakalayo na ang Oso, bumaba mula sa Puno ang isa at tinanong niya ang kanyang Best friend. Ano ang sinabi sayo ng Oso?, sumagot ang kanyang best friend na nagpaiwan, ang sabi ng Oso sa akin “wag daw ako magtiwala sa kaibigang nang iiwan”.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 29
Mahirap lunukin
ang Pride
Lalo na pag ito'y...
...BARETA.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 30
Mr. and Misis
Misis: Hoy, Tumigil ka na sa pag inom ng Beer, masyado kang magastos.
Mister: Ikaw, make-up mo ang magastos!
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para sa iyo.
Mister: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!
Joke # 31
GURO: jUaN, kUnG aKo’Y mAy 5 aNaK sA uNaNg aSaWa aT 7 nAmAn sA pAnGaLaWa aT 3 sA pAnGaTLo, mEr0n ac0hNg ? . . .
JUAN: KALANDIAN p0h . . .iSa kAnG kErEnGkEnG mA’aM, mALaNdi kA, hALiPaRoT, kALaDkAriN, mAkAti, mAhiLiG, pAriWaRa, p0kPoK, iMoRaL . . .
GURO: uMuPo kA, tAnG iNa mOh, di kA mAkAkApAsA gAg0!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 32
LUCKY ME
Pamilya sa harap ng hapag kainan
kumakain ng LUCKY ME
Berto: Ma, Pa, buntis…
(nanay at tatay napahinto)
buntis po ako…di po ako
makakagraduate…
Ma, mahirap po bang mgbuntis?
Mama: oo anak, pro mas mahirap
maging isang ina sa isang
ambisyosang bakla!!!
imumo taka anang yahong
Bayota ka! kaon diha!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Joke # 33
Rabbit or Snail
If you are an animal, what would u be? a Rabbit or a Snail???
Rabbit’s are d most sexually active animals & can have sex as many as 40 - 50 x in a day…!!!
Snail’s live 80 yrs & will have a sex only once in their lyftym but it’s orgasm lasts for 18 years…!!!
wud u go 4 quantity or quality?
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